


The More You Tighten Your Grip

by HiNerdsItsCat (HiLarpItsCat)



Series: Uncertain Point of View [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dark Leia Organa, Obi-Wan Survives, POV Leia Organa, POV Second Person, The Dark Side of the Force, Well he survives slightly longer than he did in the film, dark Luke Skywalker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-14 21:30:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16048940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiLarpItsCat/pseuds/HiNerdsItsCat
Summary: Your name is Leia Organa and you just watched your homeworld die.Your name is Leia Organa and your fist is clenched so tightly that your nails are digging into your palm.Your name is Leia Organa and you are watching Grand Moff Tarkin fall to his knees, clutching at his throat as he struggles to breathe.





	The More You Tighten Your Grip

Your name is Leia Organa.

You are a princess. It occurs to you at some point that this is not the sort of thing that most people are.

You decide to dedicate your life to the service of others.

Your father tells you about the Rebellion and everything becomes clear. This is what you’re supposed to do with your life. This is how you serve others. This is how you make the galaxy better.

Since then, your life has become both more and less dangerous. Because you’re a Rebel, you’re in far more danger than a princess would be in. Because you’re a princess, you’re in far less danger than a Rebel would be in.

If you spend too long thinking about how other Rebels would be treated if they were captured, you wouldn’t be able to get out of bed in the mornings.

You try your best. Sometimes your best is good enough. Sometimes it isn’t. It’s at least better than not doing anything.

* * *

Your name is Leia Organa and you hate being helpless.

Helplessness is the shudder of your ship caught in the tractor beam of a Star Destroyer.

It is the stun bolt setting your nerves on fire as the stormtroopers close in on you.

It is coming face to face with the monster in the mask known as Darth Vader and realizing that you’ve run out of excuses.

It is knowing that you’re the only one on your ship that they bothered to take alive.

It is the smooth metal walls of the cell block and the silence of the interrogation droid.

It is the polite smile on Tarkin’s face as he gives you his final ultimatum. It is the realization that no matter what you said, it didn’t make a difference.

It is Vader’s hand on your shoulder as you watch your planet reduced to fire and ash.

You hate Tarkin. You hate this monstrosity of a battle station. You hate being helpless.

You hate and your hatred is an inferno under your skin. Your hatred is the scream of everyone you’ve ever loved ringing in your ears. Your hatred is the bitten tongue, the red mist in your vision, the clenched fist.

You watch Tarkin reach for his throat. You watch him fall to his knees, eyes wide in terror as he looks just over your shoulder.

Your fingernails cut into your palm as you tighten your grip.

You watch the life fade from Tarkin’s face and for the first time in hours you feel like you aren’t helpless.

Then you remember that you aren’t alone. You turn to face Vader and realize that he never tried to stop you, that he never said anything at all, that even though you can’t see his face behind that mask, he is looking at you differently.

* * *

Your name is Leia Organa and nothing makes sense anymore.

No one takes you back to the cell block. No one summons the interrogation droid. Vader doesn’t threaten you but he won’t stop asking you questions. Not about the Rebellion or the stolen Death Star plans, but about your family, your childhood, your parents. Every question is like a knife to your heart as you look out the viewport and see the wreckage of every answer.

You answer him anyway. You answer truthfully. Your voice is flat as you tell him that you were adopted, that you were born on Polis Massa nineteen years ago, two days after Empire Day.

Vader stops asking you questions.

* * *

Your name is Leia Organa but your name could have been Leia Skywalker instead.

Vader tells you that he is your father and you scream at him that he’s lying but you somehow know that it’s true.

He tells you about the Force. He tells you about the Dark Side of the Force and you know that you should be repelled but you aren't.

He offers to teach you and you don't know what to say.

He tells you that you could be powerful and you're not even sure what that means anymore.

You tell him that you hate the Empire and that if you had your wish you would kill one Imperial for every person who died on Alderaan. He tells you that you might get that wish one day.

You don't tell him that if killing him would bring Bail Organa back you would do it in a heartbeat.

Vader tells you about your mother, the woman who you refuse to think of as your “real mother” because Breha Organa is your real mother no matter what he says. You can't conceive of the kind of woman who would love a monster like Darth Vader.

You assume that he will take you to Coruscant but instead he takes you to a place called Mustafar. He tells you about the duel that put him in this tomb of a suit.

You don't tell him that General Kenobi is alive. You don't tell him that if your gambit with the droids succeeded, Kenobi would be joining the Rebellion any day now.

Vader finds out anyway, shortly after you arrive on Mustafar. Kenobi made it to Alderaan, what was left of it, and then escaped the Death Star with his companions: a known smuggler, his Wookiee co-pilot, the missing droids, and a Tatooine farmboy.

Vader also finds out that the Rebel base is in the Yavin system. You find out that the Death Star followed them there.

You try and fail to kill Vader, but it at least distracts him enough to keep him from going to Yavin himself.

You later regret having made the attempt, not because you fear punishment but because if he had gone to Yavin he would have died along with the battle station.

You also regret it because as the two of you stand in the wreckage of the room you destroyed in the process, you can tell that he's proud of you for trying, for unleashing your hatred and tapping into the power that lives inside you. You hate him and hate the fact that he wins if you hate him and wins if you don't.

* * *

Your name is Leia Organa and you are watching the galaxy’s greatest monster fall apart before your very eyes.

Vader tells you that he loves you and you scream at him that he's lying but you somehow know that it's true.

He becomes obsessed with what could happen now that you're with him. He wants to overthrow the Emperor and rule the galaxy with you at his side: his apprentice, his daughter, the only thing left of his dead wife. You run out of ways to tell him that you would rather die than help him.

He becomes obsessed with finding General Kenobi. He becomes even more obsessed with finding Kenobi’s unnamed apprentice, the boy from Tatooine who destroyed the Death Star with a one-in-a-million shot. He tells you that he will rob Kenobi of his apprentice just like Kenobi robbed him of his daughter.

Vader tells you everything and you're sick of knowing so much about him. You're beginning to think of him as a person instead of the embodiment of everything you despise. You catch yourself thinking of him as your father, the man who used to be called Anakin Skywalker, the man who sold his soul to save his wife but lost everything when he trusted the wrong person.

Vader tells you that he trusts you and you know that if you stay here any longer you will begin to forget that he shouldn't trust you at all.

* * *

Your name is Leia Organa and you barely know who you are anymore.

You used to be a princess but your people are all dead.

You used to have a father and a mother but you have a different father and mother now.

You used to be a Rebel but one day you might rule an Empire.

You manage to escape Mustafar and rejoin the Rebellion. You worry that Vader let you leave.

You don't tell the Rebels how you survived or escaped. You don't tell them that Darth Vader is your father.

You notice how the Rebellion has changed in the months you were gone. They have hope. They have victories. They have a Jedi.

You finally meet General Kenobi and your life shatters all over again.

You used to be an only child but now you have a brother.

His name is Luke Skywalker. You were born on the same day, in the same place, to the same parents. He doesn't know that Anakin Skywalker is really Darth Vader. He doesn't know that you're his sister. He doesn't know anything because Kenobi never told him.

For one horrible moment, you hate Kenobi as much as your father does, which is why you end up doing something you didn't expect.

When Luke wakes up in the co-pilot’s chair of the ship you stole, blinking to clear the effects of the stun bolt you shot him with earlier, you tell him everything.

You ask him where he wants to go now.

You aren't surprised when he says Mustafar.

* * *

Your name is Leia Organa but that name is starting to feel less like your own with every passing day.

You watch your brother and your father meet and, as you understand how frighteningly alike you all are, you also understand that there's no turning back now.

Luke is so sure that he can fix things, that he can end the war and turn your father back to the Light Side. You keep telling him that you all have to leave Mustafar as soon as possible because there's no chance that Kenobi hasn't figured out what just happened. You keep telling Luke that once Kenobi arrives on Mustafar everything is going to fall apart just like it did last time.

You told Luke about your father's last duel with Kenobi but you didn't tell him what Vader told you happened on Coruscant: how he was forced to choose between the Jedi and the Sith and how everything went so horribly wrong after that. You don't tell Luke that if you stay on Mustafar, you will both be forced to make that same choice and that there are no good outcomes.

You tell Luke that you all have to leave immediately but you don't tell him that you're terrified because you don't know what you would choose and you don't know what he would choose and you don't know what you would do if you both chose differently. You don't tell him that even though you've only known one another for a handful of days, you feel like you've known him your whole life and you somehow know that if Vader and Kenobi meet again you're going to lose him and you'll never be whole again.

Vader is still obsessed with destroying Kenobi. He doesn't want to leave until you remind him that there is someone out there that he hates more than he hates his former Jedi Master.

You set a course for Coruscant.

* * *

Your name is Leia Organa and you're pretty sure that you just did something terrible.

The Emperor is dead, General Kenobi is dead, and your father is dying at your feet, but you and Luke are alive and that's all that matters.

You don't remember who killed Palpatine in the end. It might have been your father, it might have been your brother, it might have been you yourself. Your head is swimming and your blood feels like the lava of Mustafar and you can't seem to unclench your hands.

You don't remember exactly when Kenobi arrived or what he and Anakin said to one another.

You don't remember when you stopped calling him Vader.

You don't remember what Luke screamed as he tried to stop them. You remember him losing his hand at the wrist but you don't remember whose lightsaber was to blame.

You definitely don't remember what happened next but you do know that you felt helpless and then suddenly you weren't helpless anymore.

You don't remember what you and Luke said to one another but you do remember him being scared and confused, and then he understood.

You remember that he helped you but you don't remember what exactly he helped you do. Whatever you did, it worked. You're alive and he's alive and that's all that matters.

In fact, you've never felt so alive in all your life, even though your nerve endings are screaming and you're beginning to suspect that you're intentionally not remembering things.

You only unclench your fists when your father stops breathing and Luke takes your hands in his. Your palms are streaked with your own blood from the half-moon cuts where your nails dug into your skin. You're strangely relieved that Luke doesn't seem to mind.

He asks you what to do next. For a moment you don't know. Your skin feels like a million stars exploding all at once and it isn't until that moment that you realize what you're feeling is power unlike anything you've ever felt before.

You look at your brother and realize that he is feeling the same power you are.

You know what to do next.

Later, after the Moffs and admirals that you hadn't slaughtered knelt before you and your brother, you catch a glimpse of your reflection. Finally, you think to yourself as you see your fiery yellow eyes, there's at least one physical feature that you and your twin have in common.

* * *

Your name is Empress Amidala. You chose the name to honor your real mother, even though you can't remember why you once refused to refer to her that way.

You don't think about your father. You don't think about the Rebellion. You don't think about Alderaan, other than to vow that there will never be a planet that shares its fate ever again.

You and your brother are alive and you're both going to make the galaxy better. You will never be helpless again.

**Author's Note:**

> Music: The Veils, "In the Blood"

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[podfic] The More You Tighten Your Grip](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18133358) by [HiNerdsItsCat (HiLarpItsCat)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiLarpItsCat/pseuds/HiNerdsItsCat), [reena_jenkins](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reena_jenkins/pseuds/reena_jenkins)




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